[[CYCLICAL|one]]
[[everything]] spirals circles repeats
[[keep]] [[saying]] same words
hoping for something new
as [[nothing]] new [[happens]]
(if: $cycle > 1) [until it does
just enough that you see changes
which might be the illusion of progress]
happens painful [[slow]] waiting
[[wanting|want]]
to find out what comes [[next]]
after [[all]] is [[understood|understanding]]
next step in a rabbit [[hole]]
broken ankle while running a [[marathon|four]](set: $cycle to $cycle+1)
[[that can't come together until you're sure|one]]
you've reached an end to the search
for the last bits of crumb scattered
meant to say what exactly happens but
(if: $cycle > 4) [certainty may never come
and you do what you can to keep telling yourself
that maybe at the end of all of this
[[there's a way past it|end]]]
saying what i [[mean]] is [[impossible]]
when i don't know my[[self]]
[[everything|all]] falls back in line with
a [[desire|want]]
[[predetermined|blood]]
average out [[ideas|all]] to find a [[middle|hole]] ground
on the long stretch of road between us
where i would rather lay down
on [[double yellow|four]] [[divider|four]]
and wait for a [[future|four]] or an [[end|four]]
keep [[doubts]] to your[[self]]
[[close]] to the [[chest]]
[[swelling]] in a [[moment]] of [[understanding]]
nothing comes out [[right|left]]
tripping over my words
fall far fast down a flight of stairs
at the bottom
[[speaking]] [[slowly|slow]]
to the back of my [[own|self]] outstretched hand
[[swelling]]
doubts sear [[quickly|four]] on both sides
looking for a nice char but don't [[burn|four]] it
just one part of a [[healthy|four]] [[balanced|four]] [[meal|four]]
self construction [[built|four]] in dry [[sand|hole]]
[[//"I shop therefore I am"//|four]]
ready to [[crumble|four]]
from the [[bottom|four]]
at any [[moment|four]]
close the door and let [[them|four]] keep knocking
[[until|next]] their [[knuckles|four]] [[bleed|blood]]
and blood [[drips|slow]] slow down the arm
stains clothes [[red|four]]
[[bursting|four]] skin at the [[seams|four]]
begging to be free
chest [[pressure|four]] build up
ready to [[burst|blood]] at a moment's [[notice|four]]
feels something like the way love feels
but [[colder|four]] and [[brighter|four]]
in a [[way|four]]
swelling large from [[repeated|four]] sting
on top of [[another|four]]
no time to [[scab|blood]] over
[[tender|chest]] to the touch
turned bad [[tunnel|hole]] vision
[[search|four]] for an [[escape|four]]
after moment [[passes|four]] clock ticking
in [[unending|four]] metronome
that [[somehow|four]] feels [[arrhythmic|chest]]
and infuriating
grasping for some [[certainty|four]]
understanding it [[never|impossible]] fits [[right|left]]
the way we are expecting [[disappointment|four]]
square peg round [[hole]]
you're sure would work if it [[shrunk|swelling]] down
use [[force|four]] push hard
make it fit [[inside|parasite]]
impossible [[space|hole]] of [[mirrors|four]] [[reflecting|four]] mirrors
back at [[me|self]] visual [[eternal|four]] echo
slow honey [[cresting|four]] over [[precipice|hole]]
of a spoon
waiting to [[fall|four]]
find [[ground|hole]]
an excruciating [[wait|four]]
want eating from the inside like some
kind of [[parasite]] [[planted|hole]]
by your father and his [[sins|four]]
left in the [[dust|four]] picked up
by a [[million|four]] locusts
swarming to bring [[doom|hole]]
to a collective [[whole|all]] represented
by few
speak [[silence|four]] into existence
from a [[mouth|hole]] sewn [[shut|close]]
where every [[pierce|four]] of the needle is so small
no [[blood]] flows and so
it happens gradually over time
and before you [[realize|understanding]] it
the action is [[over|four]]
and you're left with a new reality(set: $end to $end+1)
passed checkpoint learn from [[repetition|one]]
leading right back to the same places again
bashing your head against a wall
waiting for something to give
your skull, the drywall, or both
and at this point it wouldn't make a (if: $end > 1)[[[difference|realend]]](else:)[difference]
in the end[[.|terminate]]
all in the name of keeping with [[tradition|four]]
because that's just what we [[do|want]]
without [[second|moment]] [[thought|understanding]]
parasite slow kill internal rot
inhale [[black|hole]] mold and cat piss stain
and not the beautiful blooming kind of [[decay|slow]]
that makes the [[purples|four]] and [[blue-greens|four]]
otherwise [[unseen|impossible]] in natural [[processes|four]][<script>window.close()</script>]
hole dug in the center of your [[childhood|self]] bedroom
where all these [[thoughts|four]] get tossed
[[never|impossible]] to return
long scythe swaths slashed [[time|four]]
lost to become a part of the soil
blood [[coursing|chest]] through your veins
on a track already [[laid|understanding]] out
long before your birth
a predestined [[outcome|four]]
of all the [[things|four]] no one
bothered to tell you
would be a constant [[haunt|close]]